Walking in Circles

Nearly 17 years. Over 10 different medications. That has been my life. That has been my struggle. Why can’t there just be a one size fits all medication for depression, anxiety, etc?! Because we are all wired differently and there is no magic answer to tell us which medicine will work, which medicine will last, which routine will keep us in check. Some medicines have made me feel worse or over medicated. Some make me sweat so much that I felt like I was going through menopause.

For 15 years I would go through spurts where I was doing really well, but my body and my brain would tell me “hey you’re doing better you don’t need that stuff.” I finally had to ask myself “is it worth it to give my life to pills?” When I finally answered yes to that question my life changed. I can’t tell you how hard it is for someone to look down on you because you depend on something so small to re-wire your brain. But that does NOT make me weak. It takes a ton of strength to sort out pills and make a vow to yourself and your family to take them every single day.

I am so thankful that I have finally found a regimen that works for me. Last week a friend on Facebook shared a post saying that people who take Adderall are “meth heads.” I was offended, hurt, and overwhelmed. For someone to make such a statement is why we have such a horrible stigma about mental health and medication in this country! Please if you don’t believe in medication do some research! Yes there are plenty of people who abuse medication, but there are plenty of us that need it. And a lot more of those people who need it would take it properly if they weren’t shamed for it.

That’s all I have for tonight.


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